Struggling for control

It's another day - another day where the sun rises bright on the horizon, the golden orb shining so bright it almost hurts my eyes. Such immense power in the flaming ball that we spin around. We are so, so little in the huge, huge universe. Little, but not insignificant. Yesterday I was captured by the way my son's hair grew from this little spiral at the top of his head. Completely fascinated with its beauty, I kept looking, thinking of that verse, "The very hairs on your head are numbered. Don't be afraid..."(Luke 12:7) Somehow, in that moment, it didn't feel strange to me that the God of the Universe who makes the earth spin, the sun give heat and the tides go in and out should know the number of hairs on my boy's head. God, the one who knew little Isaac in my womb, who fashioned him in the secret place, was no stranger to the details of my boy's life. He knows it all, and so comes the appeal to trust Him and not be afraid.
How in the world do we walk this faith-walk when we are surrounded by things that make us feel very afraid? What about the friends I met with last night, one whose daughter has been struggling with ongoing health issues for a long time? Trust and not be afraid? It's scary to trust even when you know He's good because there are no guarantees that things are going up end up the way we would choose. He doesn't promise to end suffering in on this side of eternity, He just asks us to trust. He will wipe away every tear when we see Him in heaven and finally we will know Him completely with no questions or doubts.
Outside in the morning air the birds sing their songs, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matt 6:26) The birds sing with cheerful abandon, their melodies of life floating across the dawn. How much more beautiful are our voices than that of birds and yet how often do I find myself singing with an abandoned heart? Not very often. I am more familiar with finding myself with hands clenched in a death-grip, afraid to relinquish control. I fear letting go and trusting because it feels like there are so many unknowns with God yet He has made Himself known to us through the life of Jesus. He is good and He loves us but that doesn't mean that we aren't going to walk through suffering and trials, it does mean, however, that He walks through them with us. 
We are valued, He even knows the hairs on our heads. He knows us so intimately and our pain is not hidden from Him. Sickness was never His plan. Death was never His plan. Debt or greed were never His plan. Yet he has not rejected us because we turned from Him. He hasn't given up on a race stained with sin. He hasn't said "you made your own bed, now lie on it." From the beginning humanity turned from Him, clenched the fists of control and looked away from trust. He never stopped loving, showing mercy. The Son, the One who stood at the Father's side creating with the Father - creating man from the dust of the earth - He came to show us just how much God loves us. The Son turned the destiny of humanity upside-down and took all the judgement that should have been ours upon Himself. We are born face-turned from God but we find our way back because Jesus came face-to-face with humanity. He breathed the air we breathe. He lived in the same sin-scarred world. He gave us a way back to the Father. He gave us the keys to the garden of Eden. Life is but a vapor, it passes so quickly, but it's really just a prelude to the real symphony which is existence with God forever where there are no more tears, no more death, no more pain (Rev. 21:4). When we hear that music we will sing with hearts fully abandoned for there will be no more doubt. He is good and His love and His mercy endure forever. (Ps. 107:1, Ps. 100:5)





Comments

Rachael Barham said…
You are amazing. This is amazing. What I just posted - and spoke about at church on Sunday - reminds me so much of these reflections of yours, and I feel very WITH you; I resonate deeply with your heart. I keep thinking how I wish we lived closer and could just sit with a cuppa and talk... and then this morning I thought "Kirsty and I should MAKE that happen one of these days." So there's that thought out there to grow in the ether... :-) XR
Kirsty Sarris said…
Love the thought growing in the Ether! Let's let it grow and blossom into something real! Would adore seeing you and getting to finally meet your "mini-you" - oh my, that little Amelie looks just like her mama :) Until then, I appreciate that the miles don't separate us on this journey we're on together in Him. xx
Rachael Barham said…
Amen to that. And love to you! XR

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