filament of thanks

I didn't feel thankful. Not when the explosive boy spews for the nth time today. I felt tired of the battering, weary of the journey of daily discipleship of him when I feel like I'm not seeing results. Where is that positive feedback loop today? Where is the fruit manifesting of all the countless hours poured into a child? I have no choice though but to keep pressing on.
Perspective is everything. I know that. I know that I see through a glass dimly (1 cor 13:12). Today my glass seems darker than usual. I cannot see rightly when I am disgruntled. I know that.
Sometimes it takes another to hold you by the hand and pull you up and out. Someone who has lived the hard place of thanks. Today I needed this

I often feel like God is staring right at me, watching me as I interact with my kids. After all, isn't this the place where we live out what we really believe, within the sanctuary of home, behind closed doors. There are no accolades in this age, nobody patting you on the back, giving praise or rewards. No, it's all unseen, except by the eyes of the One that really matters. It really doesn't matter what amazing things I do outside of these four walls. It's what goes on within that makes who I am.

I guess ultimately I am thankful for this - for the grace to become who I want to be with the ones I really care about.

A wise friend said to me, "enjoy each other because you are together, not for the lack of issues." He was so right. There will always be issues, things that aren't "perfect" and I want to cultivate joy just in being together. Despite it all.

So in all things I will choose thankfulness. We are together. Grace helps us. My choice to bless doesn't depend on my perfection, or someone else's, but on the measure of grace that He gives me.

And I could use an overflowing measure of grace today!


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