He is the only One worthy.

It was dark outside and he was surrounded by friends. We had been praying for those with a broken heart and my husband sat on the floor in our midst. Even as his wife I only know just a portion of the dark valley that he has walked through this past year. He has traversed that place with only One. There has been just One companion on that dark road who has wiped his tears and held his hand and picked him up when he has crumpled to the ground. But that One has never left his side and always, always been faithful.
So when I heard my husband open his mouth and release words about Jesus' worth, I knew it was real. These weren't just words quoted out of the scripture, they were words embedded in a bruised and bleeding heart. I remember in those early days after Keith passed away last year I bought a plaque to put on the wall that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5) and he grabbed that plaque and through his tears he held it to his heart and said, "I wish I could get it in there, on the inside of me." Now, almost twelve months later those words are engraved on the inside of him. They have been engraved through the tears and clinging to Jesus. The cruxiformed Christ left an imprint.
"Jesus is the only One worthy," he said last night into the dark. "When I read Revelation 4 and 5 I see His worth and I realize what He left to come to this world as a human and that He suffered as an innocent One. He didn't deserve the suffering inflicted on Him but he endured it for our sake. He really is worth it all - worthy of my life, of everything that I have, and somehow that helps with everything I have walked through in this past year." I sat there with no words. I know the depths that my husband has walked this past year and to see his faith in the midst of that took away any words that I might have blithely thrown out there. He has tested the worth of Jesus and found it to be true. My husband knows the Author of this book we fix our hearts on - he knows Him, the One he has put his trust in.
I opened to Revelation 4 and 5 this morning and read over this account of the throne room in Heaven. It's hard to imagine Jesus leaving that kind of adoration and glory to enter into this earthly existence and be rejected, misunderstood, scorned and brutally killed. The disparity between the two is astonishing and yet that is why He is worthy (Rev 5:9-10).
Considering this great worth of Jesus, I look more closely at my life and question, am I living in a way that shows He is worthy of my whole life? It's a question that I need to ponder for a while.


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