How love penetrates deep....

He walks dripping out of the shower and looks at me with that impish smile. I'm unhooking my necklace and discarding the clothes. Eyes catch and he looks boyish with that grin of his and those eyes all lit up. I smile, giggling at the youthfulness of joy and desire. He comes close and wraps his damp, warm arms around my cold frame and I hear the beating of his heart as I lay my head on his chest. I love this spot, right there with my head next to his heart. "You look beautiful," he says, the words catch in my head because I don't really believe that, at least not deep down. It's hard to receive his joy in me because mentally I'm already forming the list of my faults. I look at him, this man that I love, and wonder why it's so hard to hold onto his pleasure in me; why it's so hard to accept that his desire is for me, not for another.
He is giving me love and this love it penetrates, goes deep, and it isn't about just giving access to the body, it's giving permission to access the soul. The serpentine voice whispers insistently that giving the physical is enough, that you can withhold your soul. It's a lie. Love goes deep into the expanse of a soul and marriage is that union of body, soul and spirit. The two become one. There isn't a place that stays as "mine" that you don't give access to. It's complete giving into one flesh. That's why the separation of divorce is so painful. What was one gets torn apart to become two. The rib gets ripped right back out of Adam's side again, leaving that gaping wound across the chest, the heart exposed and vulnerable (Gen 2:22), bloodied and in pain. Once experienced, the learning to expose self again takes courage fueled by the belief that the "oneness" is worth enough to overcome the paralyzing fear you walk through to get there.
I breathe in the smell of his skin right behind his ear - all soapy - and I breathe deep because this, being present in the moment, is how I give him all. I'm not distracted, thinking about something else, I'm thinking about him, about he and I together in oneness.
He holds me in his arms when it's all said and done and I feel the closeness, the completeness of marriage. I am his and he is mine until death do us part.

Comments

Rachael Barham said…
Yes and yes and yes again to this!!

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